Our Own Buzz
21 July 2008 at 9:39 am Lasse 5 comments
| Lasse Lien |
While we are (eagerly) awaiting the definition of beaconicity, here’s what the standard scientific jargon really means (original source unknown):
“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN” — I didn’t look up the original reference.
“A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT” — The data are practically meaningless.
“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS” — An unsuccessful experiment, but i still hope to get it published.
“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY” — The other results didn’t make any sense.
“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN” — This is the prettiest graph.
“THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT” — I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
“THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE OBTAINED BY JONES” — He was my graduate student; his grade depended on this.
“IN MY EXPERIENCE” — Once.
“IN CASE AFTER CASE” — Twice.
“IN A SERIES OF CASES” — Thrice.
“IT IS BELIEVED THAT” — I think.
“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT” — A couple of other guys think so too.
“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE” — Wrong.
“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS” — Rumor has it.
“A STATISTICALLY ORIENTATED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS” — A wild guess.
“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF THE OBTAINABLE DATA” — Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS” — I don’t understand it.
“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES” — They don’t understand it either.
“THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS” — Mr. Boltz did the work and Ms. Schaeffer explained to me what it meant.
“A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY” — A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD” — I quit.
Entry filed under: Ephemera. Tags: .
1. Jacob Christensen › What the Professor Means Is… | 21 July 2008 at 9:56 am
[…] you’ve ever wondered about (social) science jargon, Lasse Lien comes to your rescue: “IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN” — I didn’t look up the original […]
2.
Rafe | 21 July 2008 at 6:52 pm
The good news is that beaconicity can be googled. You just need to know that there is a Beacon Scheme in Britain to give out awards to local council that are outstanding (beacons) in efficiency or something.
http://www.communities.gov.uk/publications/localgovernment/beaconicity.
MORE WORK IS REQUIRED. I am applying for an extension of my grant.
The philosophers have a lexicon of technical terms but they are mostly in jokes about particular philosophers.
http://www.blackwellpublishing.com/lexicon/#LEXICON
popper, adj. Exhibiting great moral seriousness; impopper, frivolous.
rawl, n. A fishing line, baited with a few apparently innocent intuitions about fairness, but capable of bringing in such big fish as Pareto optimality and God knows what else.
3.
Lasse | 22 July 2008 at 4:47 am
Excellent Rafe. Would it be a proper use of beaconicity to say that you have shown great beconicity by figuring out (googling) the origin and meaning of beaconicity?
4.
Rafe Champion | 22 July 2008 at 6:11 am
Possibly Lasse, but to be sure I would have to google some more and find out the criteria for scoring beacon award points. I suspect that putting in time googling up the meaning of silly words while I should be getting on with my proper work would not score a lot of points unless it counts as initiative, entrepreneurial flair and willingness to provide additional services not listed in my job description.
5.
Lasse | 22 July 2008 at 7:48 am
Interesting, Rafe. So one can be beaconistic in the eyes of the O&M community, without being beaconistic in the eyes of ones employer. Well, I think I can safely say that today I haven’t been beaconistic in anyones eyes.